Maybe it’s that I will be seventy-one years old in about six weeks. Maybe it’s because I’ve not been so well since October (nothing serious, I suspect – just getting older). Or maybe it’s that a friend of more than forty years, someone just a bit younger than me, recently died. Perhaps it’s because I have recently been appointed as an Elder at my Meeting for Worship[i].
Whatever the reason, I find I want to spend more time in silence these days, in a kind of individual version of what happens in Meeting for Worship. That tends to involve what we Quakers call first ‘centring down’, then opening up to whatever happens within each one of us, and being ready to receive ministry from others. When I am engaged in individual worship, this receiving from others is absent unless I first read an inspirational passage or use some form of guided meditation. Finally, I might dwell on a question that could lead to some sense of being inspired or guided towards action.
I’m not going to dwell too much here on what that source of guidance might be. Some Quakers call it God, others Spirit, the Divine, or the Light. Some see this as having an external life, perhaps a Being of sorts, but all value the importance of inward listening, because although we don’t have a creed, we all tend to agree that there is ‘That of God in everyone’ – a divine spark of goodness, however undeveloped it might be. One could say that the transcendental phenomenon of divine inspiration manifests in many ways, including serendipitous events, encounters with others, and inward listening. For us, worship is not so much about talking or reciting, as listening.
Centring down is similar to what many people do at the beginning of meditation practice. It might involve focussing on the breath, deliberate relaxation, listening to the birds outside, or watching a candle flame. Quite often, if I am already fairly relaxed, it simply involves me ‘going inside’, and welcoming the peace I find there.
As part of my opening during worship, I sometimes find myself saying amidst my internal chatter, ‘Not my, but Thy will be done.’ This is a deliberate attempt to lay my ego aside because the guidance I am seeking might not be comfortable. It might be very challenging, but I need to be ready to hear it. For example, I might get a very strong sense, or hear in my mind’s ear, that I need to apologise to someone. Or, that even though I thought a particular course of action was a good idea, it isn’t what I should be doing. I might need to conserve my energy for as-yet-unforeseen yet more important things. Sometimes, I stay in this state of opening and receiving. It can be very powerful. Many’s the time during collective worship when I have gone into Meeting pre-occupied with some problem or question, laid it aside so that I can be open to whatever may come, and the ministry of others has ‘spoken to my condition.’
The most useful questions, I find, might not be the ones that predetermine a topic. Setting aside my ego, one question I find eternally useful is: ‘What does Love require of me?’ However, one conceptualises the source of guidance, one thing most Quakers agree on is that Love is at the centre. I have put this question to the test in situations of conflict, and it always seems to show me the way. Indeed, it helps me to keep on the path my soul desires, which might not be the one my ego wants! My ego sometimes wants to win, to see justice done, to punish people who have wronged me or others. Love wants peace. And yes, Love wants justice, but not in any vindictive way. Justice is about making sure we don’t get complacent. Justice is about continually striving to ensure everyone’s voice is heard, especially the ones that may have been silenced in the past. Sometimes it is about speaking Truth to Power. And sometimes it’s about making uncomfortable decisions.
So, I have three things I find work for me, in my worship. They might not work for everyone, but they can be conceptualised as:
- Centring down
- Opening up
- Asking: what does Love require of me?
COL for short.
But the greatest of these is Love.
[i] Elders are not necessarily older, though they tend to be – simply because we need to have a good understanding of how Quakers work. The term is unfortunate – it does not imply superiority. We are charged with taking care of the spiritual life of our Meeting. This involves various tasks, including making newcomers feel welcome, and sometimes challenging ourselves and each other.
ramblings 