The road to recovery

I seem to have turned a corner recently. I hesitate to say this because I don’t want to jinx things. Also, I don’t want to look like a complete idiot if I’m proved wrong. But let’s just say that, although I am still in pain with my hips, and although I still am sleeping around 8.5 to 9 hours a night, and although my sleep quality is not great (not enough deep sleep according to my Garmin watch), and although this morning I did wake up and start yawning, not to mention fall asleep on the grass while sunbathing, it is fair to say that I have felt better – less fatigued, with glimpses of my old self. Clearer, more positive, and dare I say with more joie de vivre.

I did do a three-week detox in August but felt there was little point in continuing when our wedding anniversary came around on the 22^nd. I didn’t go mad – just wanted to be able to go out for brunch and eat eggs with avocado, on sourdough bread (all foods that were banned on the detox).

Since then, I have continued to do all I can to eat healthily, clean, avoiding processed foods as much as possible (let’s face it, my soya or oat milk is processed!), exercising when I can, focussing on three things I am grateful for at the end of the day, deep relaxation and meditation, Epsom salt baths before bed, etc., etc.

It was around ten days after I stopped the detox that I woke up one morning – Friday, September 1^st to be precise, which is only four days ago, and was surprised and delighted to feel like my old self again. I didn’t have an afternoon sleep on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Today, Monday, I fell asleep without meaning to. But I am hopeful!

Of course, everyone I have told about this asks me the same question – why? Oh, I wish I knew. Here are some possibilities:

• People have been praying for me.
• People have been sending me reiki
• I recently had a flash fiction published in a respected literary magazine[i], and fellow writers have been kind enough to give generous appreciation.
• The day before I started feeling well, two little people who had been in the USA for several weeks with their family there joined their UK cousins, uncle, and us for a fun day out at a castle. Lots of laughter ensued. It raised my spirits.
• I tentatively contacted my American publisher to see what was happening, having signed a two-book deal around six months ago. She had not seen my signed contract and was delighted to hear from me.

When I look at the last three on this list, and maybe in fact all of them, one thing comes up strongly for me: feeling valued.

As we get older, it is so easy to feel we are useless or have no value. Social engagement whether with family, friends, fellow volunteers, religious groups, or work colleagues is essential to our well-being. I’m not making that up. There’s research behind that[ii]. It occurs to me that social engagement gives us a sense of self-worth – of value – though this potential mediator has not been researched as far as I am aware.

Does this mean my fatigue was ‘all in the mind’? No, probably not. Chronic fatigue is complex. As with so many conditions, even if the trigger is emotional the effects can be physical and enduring. Stress affects the immune system, which means it can be a factor in several physical conditions, but once the stress is taken away the conditions don’t automatically sort themselves out.

Whatever the reason for feeling a bit better, I am hoping to hang onto it and continue to improve. And if I don’t? Well, I’ll cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

• How do you get your sense of self-worth?
• What could you do to improve it?

I’d love to hear from you.

Bonnie

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[i] If you would like to read my recent flash fiction, you can do so here: https://www.ellipsiszine.com/scientist-transforms-spinach-leaves-into-beating-human-heart-tissue-after-coming-up-with-the-idea-during-lunch-by-bonnie-meekums/

[ii] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5547666/